HALF OF MY HEART

When do you know it's over?  Anytime we feel sad or disillusioned about where our love lives are going music comforts us, the lyrics guide us(This actually reminds me of the movie Music & Lyrics if you haven't watched it then shame on you).  In it we find solace and a mirrored emotion that helps us to relate with what i can only call everyone's reality.

THE BREAKUP CYCLE

No one takes breakups easily, you become crippled with so many emotions at the time and we all know the heart is not so smart (damn it now I got that song stuck in my head). There are so many phases you go through but I’m sure we can break it down to about 4 phases, the bitterness, the “what if”, need to move on and if you’re lucky ,time heals all wounds, so I’ll begin.

THE BITTERNESS

You’ve been in a relationship for (insert timeslot here) when suddenly one day you wake up and this other person is telling you how they don’t think they can do it anymore. Normally at this time is when you get that adrenaline rush but not the good kind more of the utter frustration type and you’re thinking to yourself where did we go wrong? In the background as you zone out you somehow make out the words “it’s not you it’s me…..” this is where you snap back to reality and go a little bit crazy. Scream a few words ad rather not right but at least the profanities help keep back the tears and give you some level of control over the situation. But let’s be real, we all know this is what the other person was expecting all long because that’s when they start to curl up and take all the insults. If you’re fortunate you’ll be able to walk away before the tears start streaming down your face but the bitterness doesn’t end there. Of course you have to go bad mouth them to your friends as they dig in with their true opinions of what they really thought about your “better half”.

THE “WHAT IF”

Now this phases is my favorite , this is when your heart and mind start to truly battle. On the one hand your heart tells you that you made the wrong decision and that you should try to work things out which sometimes is true but logic dictates that if things didn’t work the first then what's changed in that time and why should it be different the second time around , Right? I mean if we're honestly speaking then look at it this way, the more things change the more they stay the same, maybe am right maybe am wrong, depends on where you're standing. This is where many of us end up getting stuck because you keeping on playing back the scenarios in your head and we all know that doesn’t do anything to help your situation but then again when did people with a broken heart ever reason rationally .  You need a strong will to get past this truth is you may never truly let go but you must get to a point where the could be future doesn’t bother you. 

NEED TO MOVE ON

Tricky ,confusing ,impossible. These are some of the words that come to mind when most people are faced with such a situation I mean come on moving on isn't always as easy as some make it out to be.  "She wasn’t worth it you guy   " I can almost hear the words so clearly. In the words of Lemar "it's not that easy" , words don’t just make feelings go away. It takes so much more and this is where the need to move on syndrome comes in. After a break up you want to get back into the game and sometimes we make the step too early, problem is we don’t know that. So there you go trying to feel something for someone else and for a while it may work , a spark will ensue but sadly that’s all it will ever be as hard as you may try.

This might go on for a while but in my opinion its necessary for one to actually move on, kiss a few frogs as it were(not that am saying the rebounds will be ugly). Feel what you need to feel then when time comes to let go you do so and learn to love someone new.      

                      

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS

Finally we get to this point, well , some of us that is. When all is right with the world again and we're ready to be hurt all over again or if you're lucky , really lucky, you'll get to meet someone who makes you laugh when the world puts you down, someone who makes each day a little bit brighter, someone worth dying for, the love of your life. And that my friends is why we never stop looking , to live with hope is not to live.

Am just sayinG^TM

REINCARNATION OF LOVE

I used to be a believer but the magic just seems to have fade away , there are no more grasped moments, no more stolen glances ,the illusions of a dream long gone and what is left behind is a hollow shell of everlasting "what if's " and dried out eyes cause the tears don't change a thing. When did we forget how to love , when did it become about something less than all we ever hoped for? Am tired , am weary and quite frankly I just want to give up and let go of it all, maybe I lost my chance once upon a long ago time and as hard as may look there is nothing to find.

I used to sit and let my imagination run wild with cinematic scenes of happily ever after but all I ever saw was the sad endings with broken hearts and half said goodbyes. I cannot give a heart that I do not have, I cannot find a heart that I lost in search of love , so what do I do? Abandon the quest ? fight on till I can fight no more? I don't know , maybe I'll experience an epiphany and it will all be clear or am maybe am looking at miss right but I just don't know it.

There are tears in my eyes, it seems to hurt to remember when the past is all we have and the future looks bleak void any hopes of a better tomorrow, absent the chance of new beginnings. But i have always been a dreamer undeterred by life's relentless mission to discourage. I believe in going past the breaking point to the unknown roads of least resistance ( i'll be damned if i known what that means ).

Talk of the devil *epiphany* so what was the first time like? What made any one of you believe in love for the first time? I remember , I couldn't say a word every time she was near me, how my heart would skip a beat when I caught a glimpse of her. It was magical and I would be a fool not to want to ever feel that way again, like anything is possible and the only thing that limits you is time because the hours apart feel like forever and the moments together are fleeting , gone before you had the chance to savor them. Who remembers their first true kiss, the one that swept you off your feet made you shiver with anticipation, when you paused and stared into each other's eyes and every promise you made meant more than words could ever say ?

I remember it ,what it felt like to be helplessly in love or rather i glimpse at it through windows and the memories slowly sip back in, like words to a song long forgotten but always kept at heart. My body quivers, i am at inception again and have found someone who reminds me why i believed in love all those many years ago. I smile at the idea of it, befuddled by the simple memory of her beauty ever so resplendent. To her i will give my heart and the rest will surely follow.


Am just SayinG TM