A LOST ART

Dear ……

I cannot remember the last time I sat down to write a letter but the other day as we were talking about it, it made me realize there are a lot of things I might never get the chance to say so am writing this letter to remind me each day, the reasons why I look at you in the way that I do. I don't know where this is going or the potential it holds but am loving every moment of it ,simply put every moment I spend with you is special and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Whether it's the  times I get to hear you laugh or argue with you over pointless topics like who will get who more drank on their birthday or it could be the times I just get to sit and listen to you talk about your dreams. Maybe it's our awkward conversations when we have nothing to say but can't hang up the phone because none of us wants to let the other go. The list is endless  and I would have it no other way, every moment more precious  than the last. The paradox of time is even more perplexing, it seems to freeze and speed up at the same time when we're together.

The hope of budding romance coupled with wishful thinking culminated with the compliments of two hearts beating as one, this is what I dream of when am laying in my bed and the rest of the world is dead asleep. A life full of promise with many years to cherish, so that when we're gray and old and the world has forgotten who we were I will still hold your hand and remind you how beautiful you are.  This is what I hope for when I stare into your eyes ,maybe am asking for too much but I cannot stand to ask for anything less for if I did then I wouldn't be the man I claim to be, a fool in love guided by the heart and directed by presumptuous prescriptions of universal principle.

For everything you are, makes me whole when I am not, for what am I without you if not a shadow of myself desperately grasping for a meaning in this so called existence.  I am overwhelmed by emotions that are manifested in my actions unable to abate my affections but for this I have no apologies for never in the history of time was love ever a subject of remorse. I have found in you what only a lifetime can give and if it so happens that I will never love again then my soul will rest with ease, a love of a lifetime is simply but that, and the blessing of finding you was more than I could ever ask for.

All that’s left to do is declare my love, to throw caution to the wind for what more could I ask for if not your hand that I might hold you all my days and gaze upon your beauty till my eyes lose all their sight , to kiss you till my lips are all but numb , to cherish you with every breath that I take. And when the world will have me no more, our memories I will take and in my heart you will forever live .

Yours Lovingly

………..

FLEETING TRUST

So i was having a discussion about the episodes of the green eyed monster, I mean we've all been there, that moment when you think everything is going just fine then she pops that question that warrants you to say "Don’t you trust me?" and we all know how that’s gonna end.

Picture this , you're in a club with you gal right and this fine ass chic winks a smile at you. Being the human that you are (we're being real here) of course you're gonna flash a smile , I know I would. But therein begins your problems, your chic sees that and she's not taking any of it. "Is this what you do when I'm not here ?" a bunch of other words that we know most definitely are gonna lead to a fight. So my question is , what gets us to this point ? Is trust really that difficult a virtue to encompass I mean really, if you say you love someone it can't be that hard to just let things go ? Someone back me up here.

So let me continue, she flips out right and you being the idiot that you are, you think I can probably argue out logic so what do you do? Get into battle of words trying to justify why your lip curved into an upside down frown when you know dead well there's noooo way you're getting out of this one.

"Blah blah blah" (as if I'm gonna tell you what she said)

"…. but babe you know I love only you "(ha ha ha even as you say these words you know you're screwed six ways to Sunday but hey when did that stop anyone).

Now , if common sense was well…. common this is where you would shut your mouth and just nod but hey, what would be then fun in that. You go on the offensive and start saying how you have done nothing wrong , then you get to realize just how much she has been holding in as she starts blurting out things you had long forgotten and thought forgiven. Don’t you love when people do that , bringing things up in the most unexpected of times . So I stop to ask myself, where does jealous really stem from?

Here in case 2, "Babe, am going out with a few pals …."

"Who, with?" she goes ahead to mention a bunch of chic names then inserts a guys name in the middle hoping you didn’t hear , I mean c'mon how dumb can one be. So of course your gonna pretend like you cool with this or maybe you really are (doubt it) mark you this is the guy who you know has always been trying to vibe her. So I have to ask, where do you draw the line because this guy never really accepted your relationship and she keeps giving you that cliché line that we're just friends , I'm not buying that . Long story short you're gonna get jealous and if predictions are right one of those stupid fights that none of your friends wants to get roped into will ensue. This really sucks especially if guys just wanna go out and have fun.

My opinion , this is just human nature to want to forgive but to be so hurt that all we can do is bury the pain and hope against all hope that somehow it never comes to the surface(wishful thinking I know). Worst part is we sometimes carry the pain over to the next relationship. So here's how I see it, simply just take the time to put yourself in the other person's shoe , you might be surprised just how not so black and white things really are.


Am just sayinGTm

MIDNIGHT WOES

I feel drawn by an inexplicable force to tell you the truth I don't think I  wanna fight it  or rather I don't know how because in retrospect isn't this what we are all looking for? that force that applies Newton's second law to your love life , you know, rate of change of momentum is inversely proportional to something something I forget the rest but am sure you get the point of the whole argument . We're not in a physics class after all and my mission is to talk about the more complex things, matters of the heart. I'm no expert but  then again I'm no rookie to the game either . Guys in all honesty half the time I don't think anyone of us has an idea what the hell they are doing ,I bet you're just hoping that things will turn out fine, I know I am , but then again that's just me being me. I do have a tendency to over dramatize things, maybe it's because I'm a hopeless romantic(yes we still exist and come in short supply ). Regardless everyone wants to find someone who they think best understands and compliments them and can you blame them? I mean in a world where more often than not things always go to s*** what's to say that I don't deserve to settle for nothing less than my soul mate? is that really too much to ask of this existence we all call life? I don't think so, in fact I think it's the least that we should get out of life , right? But what do I know, I haven't lived long enough to doubt or realize if there is such a thing as a soul mate, which on the other hand makes me the perfect candidate to analyze the situation because  I'm not tainted with the perception that the world imposes on a person making them a skeptic or a no-believer. I see love in its pure form , free of all blemish untouched by impurities of old age and pessimism of hurt. Yes , I have stared into the abyss and I discovered something beautiful beyond all comparison. Now my only question is , how will I know when I finally find her? will I let her slip out of my hands to realize only to late or will I be one the wise and recognize what is right in front of my eyes? tick tock tick tock, am laughing because I have no idea. Its late at night  and  here I am typing away ,guess this must have been weighing on my mind or maybe it's someone who triggered it , well so things are meant to remain a mystery , to you guys any way. i'll leave you with one of the classics to help you remember

Am just sayinG^TM

PERFECTLY INSYNC

For everything you are makes me whole when i am not, for what am I without you if not a shadow of myself desperately grasping for a meaning in this so called existence.  I am overwhelmed by emotions that are manifested in my actions unable to abate my affections but for this I have no apologies for never in the history of time was love ever a subject of remorse, not in my eyes anyway. I will plunge myself into the abyss oblivious to all sense of reason for what is the point if my heart can not find a matching beat.

Of late I've been thinking about how some couples just seem to seamlessly mesh into each others lives without any hitches, to be perfectly In-sync if ever there was such a thing and it left me wondering. Is it really that effortless or is it like a clock, a composed exterior run by a complex system constantly in check to ensure you always see the right time. This got me on the path of self reflection, i kept wondering how come I have never been as lucky,  now I know for a fact at some point all of us have asked ourselves the very same question sad thing is we really find the answer. Probably because we are looking at it wrong , what we should be asking what can I do to be as lucky.

People need to stop waiting for miracles and wishing on stars, linking any and every love experience to fate and luck. Its always been about how much effort we are willing and able to put to make what is a lot of work look like something that's always been in-sync.

Am just sayinG^TM

REINCARNATION OF LOVE

I used to be a believer but the magic just seems to have fade away , there are no more grasped moments, no more stolen glances ,the illusions of a dream long gone and what is left behind is a hollow shell of everlasting "what if's " and dried out eyes cause the tears don't change a thing. When did we forget how to love , when did it become about something less than all we ever hoped for? Am tired , am weary and quite frankly I just want to give up and let go of it all, maybe I lost my chance once upon a long ago time and as hard as may look there is nothing to find.

I used to sit and let my imagination run wild with cinematic scenes of happily ever after but all I ever saw was the sad endings with broken hearts and half said goodbyes. I cannot give a heart that I do not have, I cannot find a heart that I lost in search of love , so what do I do? Abandon the quest ? fight on till I can fight no more? I don't know , maybe I'll experience an epiphany and it will all be clear or am maybe am looking at miss right but I just don't know it.

There are tears in my eyes, it seems to hurt to remember when the past is all we have and the future looks bleak void any hopes of a better tomorrow, absent the chance of new beginnings. But i have always been a dreamer undeterred by life's relentless mission to discourage. I believe in going past the breaking point to the unknown roads of least resistance ( i'll be damned if i known what that means ).

Talk of the devil *epiphany* so what was the first time like? What made any one of you believe in love for the first time? I remember , I couldn't say a word every time she was near me, how my heart would skip a beat when I caught a glimpse of her. It was magical and I would be a fool not to want to ever feel that way again, like anything is possible and the only thing that limits you is time because the hours apart feel like forever and the moments together are fleeting , gone before you had the chance to savor them. Who remembers their first true kiss, the one that swept you off your feet made you shiver with anticipation, when you paused and stared into each other's eyes and every promise you made meant more than words could ever say ?

I remember it ,what it felt like to be helplessly in love or rather i glimpse at it through windows and the memories slowly sip back in, like words to a song long forgotten but always kept at heart. My body quivers, i am at inception again and have found someone who reminds me why i believed in love all those many years ago. I smile at the idea of it, befuddled by the simple memory of her beauty ever so resplendent. To her i will give my heart and the rest will surely follow.


Am just SayinG TM