Wednesday, 5 December 2012


Life can be funny sometimes , I keep hearing the phrase you don’t know what you have till it's gone and recently I was thinking about it. Now I know a couple of you have been down this road before maybe because you thought you could do better or maybe you were leaving the one you loved for someone else, reasons are numerous but the fact is that you did it. You left someone and a little ways down the road you regretted it so my question is who do you blame ? Yourself for making a foolish mistake ? truth is there's no one to blame, sometimes we just make a bad judgment call and the repercussions are what make life what it is .
 I had been debating whether I should leave the relationship I was in because I kept feeling like I was giving it my all and the other person just didn’t feel quite the same way. We always got into fights over the silliest things and truth be told I was getting tired of it , my belief has always been that relationships should be mature and if that’s not happening then what the hell, I'm not staying. So during a period of one of our  "misunderstandings" I happen to chance upon a beautiful soul with the name of a flower. Now normally feelings like this would go away but this time they didn't, they seemed to want to linger a little longer than I would please and the worst part is I liked it. I let myself feel things I had long forgotten oblivious to the fact that this wasn't going to end well. You know what they say, the heart wants what the heart wants plain and simple.
This went on for quite some time and each day I fell more and more in love with this new person ever so slowly setting my troubled relationship to fade into the background like a shadow in a picture. I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to feel something real with someone who shared my dreams and she seemed to be that person. I look back now and for some reason I still keep thinking that I should have tried harder but then again sometimes it lasts in love but sometime it hurt s instead.  I had pictured every scenario in my head and I knew that it was better to have loved and lost so I thought to myself, why the hell not. I decided to end the predicament that was my current relationship and take my chance with this beautiful damsel who had won my heart with her kindness and charm.
We were different but so much the same and that is what I had loved about her, the fact that despite all that we were there was still ground for us to find footing together, to complement each other as it were and as it should be. So I took a leap of faith and told her my decision, I'll never forget that fateful afternoon when I got to hold her hand one last time, her soft and delicate hands . When were outside on a bench under a gentle sun, I can remember how fast my heart was beating. I was hopeful, eager to set forth on the precipice of change so unprepared for what lay ahead.  So I told her how I felt and that we should be together, I can't remember exactly what followed but in the midst of all of it I remember the words " I like you but….." . In truth it doesn’t matter what those words were because she said no, the girl I thought was the one said no and I had to let her go.
That was a while back and a lot has changed since then but my advice is this,when a person is in a relationship there are many factors that come into play and through it all sometimes we fall out of touch with what made us fall in love in the first place , in a sense we no longer  take the time to smell the roses as it were. The stolen glances and sweet nothings all get lost in the complexities of daily living, people don’t stop to appreciate each other anymore and these could be prelude to many problems to follow.  I was reading an article about how a husband wanted to leave his wife for another woman and the underlying reason as he put it was that he had fallen in love with someone else. The wife agreed to a divorce on condition that the husband wait a month because their son was doing exams and that he carry her out the door every morning. As this went on the guy remembered why he fell in love with his wife in the first place but the sad bit is that she had cancer and she died at the end of the month he hadn't known and when he had decided to stay he had come back home to find her no more.
Time waits for no man and sometimes you have to stop to appreciate what you have, don’t look for reasons to leave, find reasons to stay because at the end of the day nothing worth having ever came easy. This is easier said than done but I believe that if you stick with it at the end of the day you'll be happy you did.
I'm just sayinG

Monday, 3 December 2012


Another sleepless night and I can't help but think , this was a night meant for writing. So av been looking at a scenario and I think I'll call it the loop back , when you find yourself back in a relationship you thought had ended.

Here's how I remember it , we'd been sitting there for quite a while now and the thought had crossed my mind more times than I care to mention, I kept thinking to myself this isn't gonna work. Now the relationship hadn't been going on for too long ( I'm starting to think maybe I have a curse on me or something ) and in the back of my mind I could already see where this was heading. I didn't like it one bit and in all honesty I don't normally know how to pretend so why was I gonna start now.
So i begun a conversation whose outcome I had played in my head a million times before , would she try to slap me ?
would she cause a scene ?

The list is endless and frankly none of you has the time or patience to hear the whole of it.
"so , av been thinking and the way i see it we seem to want different things ....."
You can already see the build up if you've been here before , you gamble with the right words to say while still getting the truth out there but in the process you don't want to sound like an insensitive prick. Women are delicate, a wrong choice of words might just rub them the wrong way.

So you go through all this maybe a couple of tears for times shared and you think to yourself it was the best decision to make and everyone is the happier for it aka YOU. Flash forward about one month down the line and the single life aint all it was cracked up to be , shamelessly falling for girls you can't have with no hope of salvation. Then you remember that relationship that you wanted out of and how lucrative it looks right now, most of you will agree with me that this is probably a bad idea but who ever said that we make the best decisions I mean c'mon we're only human after all. So you think to your self that things are different now and it will work this time , but will it ?? Will it really ?

You throw caution to the wind and against better judgement decide to take another swing at it , there you are whispering sweet nothing's trying to convince her that It was all just a big mistake . Truth is no one likes to be alone and you're simply avoiding the possibility of being single for who knows how long. So down that road you go again , an imminent breakup in the future as history simply repeats itself, the anger starts to bubble slowly frothing to the surface as you both fall in to the same pattern. The more things change , the more they stay the same , I'm sure you'll agree. Before too long it ends again only to begin another time , a cycle that if not broken out of could work to ostracize you in future relationships. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and hope to fall in love.

I'm just sayinG