My Bipolar Symphony

The is an expression of the wavering feelings you get after a break up , torn between accepting reality and holding on to irrational  hope, clouded by misplaced emotions.  We all know that love at its core is nonsensical , a jumbled up mess of decisions perceived to tend towards an ultimate good. So why do we seek out this blatant attempt of heartbreak, Russian roulette as it were, knowing full well the consequences of said action? Are we so pegged on the belief that an emotion conjured up in the recess of our minds will be our salvation setting aside the logic we so often use?

Yet , this is the reason I write , I have become a victim of the very emotion I hold in contempt, a slave to its cunning ways held captive in its extensive clutches. I seek hate to counter the love but I find it a battle I may lose. Something once so beautiful has become nothing more than an affliction,  seeking to rage havoc but worst of all I fear the monsters it might awaken. Irrational manifestation of versions of myself I had thought to be  nothing but an illusion and the worst part is I  fear I will be powerless to stop it.

But then again why should I? Why hold on to this absurd facade logical reason. It does not work in a society invaded by immaturely emotional individuals who work on the basis of self preservation never for a second stopping to evaluate the consequences of their actions. There stands no point to be the voice of reason any longer , all it sets to do is turn you into a cluster of boiling anger seething on the surface merely looking for an escape. This is the point where I would try to calm myself down, but I say to hell with that, enough of the misconstrued notion that everything happens for a reason. Things happen because we let them, I quote "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". So the next time you tell me shit happens for a reason, I will honestly punch you in the face. It is time to act ,away with childish thoughts.

But then again , is it that easy to turn from a gentle soul to a hated bastard? Can I really do something knowing full well the consequences of my actions will impact someone's life adversely?  Can I live with the guilt that follows almost as swiftly?  

If they can , why can't I ? Do we not both bleed red? Its elementary, I will no longer be a slave to my emotions,  they have betrayed me far worse than Judas would. I am not a fool to believe that they will ever show me any path but that which holds pain and I am fatigued, sick and tired of this bipolar symphony of emotions so I say let it stop.

Since we are on the topic of bipolar, let me take a few minutes to discuss bipolar disorder also known as "manic depression". It is a condition characterized by emotional mood swings. The worst part about having such a condition in an African setting is that people tend to shy away from the idea that the might actually be suffering from the disorder. It is taboo to talk about such things but lets be honest we all have someone who we know and we suspect they might be suffering from the condition , let them know that it's okay to get checked. On average someone with bipolar disorder can have up to 3yrs of normal mood between episodes of manic or depression. I have seen it at its worst, when someone starts to contemplate suicide and even attempts it (Story for another day) . Its not a position any one of you would like to be in I'm sure, so take the steps to help someone who you think needs help.  With advancements in medicine today the disorder can be properly managed and they can live a healthy life.