Opposing Views: When you least expect it, a love tale

 

If there's always been one person I can rely on to set me straight when it comes to matters of the heart without a doubt it has always been Tasha Amadi. She has been an inspiration in more ways than one and a true friend through and through. We recently had this back and forth on falling in love when you least expect it, this is how it went

In my experience, finding love is like finding that pair of scissors (or whatever it is really) that’s always just laying around in your room somewhere- it seems to have completely disappeared when you could really...really need it, then it “magically” appears when it’s not even on your mind.

I don’t believe so, if it’s something you have to work at then how can it be that it suddenly finds you? Every inspirational book ever wrote would go on to say that if you want something, go after it. How then does love defy these odds to become the one thing that needs no effort to find?

Sure, you have to work on something when it’s already began. Before you find true love, there’s little you can do to ensure it happens. All the people you date may be furthest from “The One”. It’s not something that comes easily when you’re so hungry for it. I think wanting love too badly somewhat pushes it away. People tend to act desperately and the anxiety of finding love can overshadow who they really are. Not thinking about all that makes that special girl/guy see you for who you really are and vice versa.

The words of the book, The Secret  come to mind, the law of attraction and positive thinking as it were. If we were to go by this philosophy then doesn’t the idea of waiting for love to find you sound absurd ? Why should the thing you want the most be the one thing that somehow finds you when you least expect it ? It riddles me and the answer seems even more bleak.

 

 Waiting for love doesn’t mean just sitting around and doing nothing, you have to put yourself out there of course. In addition, even when employing the law of attraction, that which you visualize doesn’t appear when you want it to. Often, it comes when you least expect it.

But isn’t dating putting yourself out there, is “the game” so complex and unpredictable that in trying to find one person we have to suffer the burden of love almost over and over again? How is it that we cannot logically find a person of like mind and ideas who we can comfortably say is, the one.

Yes, dating is putting yourself out there, but it doesn’t guarantee that love will happen. I mean how many hollow relationships have YOU been in. Which brings me back to my main point, love comes when you least expect it- LOVE not a relationship, the two aren’t always synonymous. We can find that person. It’s just that we don’t get to dictate when and where it happens. More often than not, it’s trial and error.

Dating is on the premise of love, a buildup to it as it were. You get into a relationship with the best intentions, the blossoming of emotions to love is what crowns the union. Why then would a relationship not be synonymous with love, why should we not be able to dictate when and where we fall in love?

Dating is not necessarily on the premise of love. Sometimes it’s for money or status, and even if it is for love (the intention of falling in love), this doesn’t always happen. Surely you know that. You can date someone with the best of intentions but whether or not you fall in love with this person is not something that you can determine. You cannot decide who you fall in love with. If it were possible, lots of lonely best friends would be doing so as we speak. Even infatuation can’t be planned- not by the one who gets infatuated anyway.